by Senior Pastor Denis Beausejour

Series: HEALTHY FAMILIES IN HECTIC TIMES

Message: Parenting for Healthy Growth 
Text:  Luke 13:6-9

Introduction and series recap:
 
Today's Text:

Luke 13: 6-9 - The Parable of the Fig Tree

In this discourse in Luke's gospel, Jesus is speaking to the growing crowds. The news that some in Jerusalem and Siloam have died has been seen by those living as a condemnation of their sin by God. Reading their minds, Jesus tells them that this is not the issue at all - God's blessing is not observable in the length of someone's life, the way they die, or their circumstances. Jesus then again reminds them that the central issue is whether or not they have turned to God - repented - through a change of mind and heart.

Then Jesus illustrates his point through the parable of the fig tree. Despite having been planted three years ago, the tree has not produced any fruit yet. Earlier in Luke 6:43, Jesus has established the principle that the fruit of someone's life is the best indicator of their inner condition. As Jesus preached to Israel, there was growing opposition to him - the nation was going to reject and kill him. Israel is the fruitless tree, and Jesus was warning the people of Israel who still refused him to turn to God and not perish. This principle is still true today: those who reject Jesus will perish.

But Jesus goes one step further in this parable to illustrate his love for us. He asks for the judgment (cutting the tree down) to be postponed. God would be patient with Israel for 40 more years after Jesus' death. He would give all this time for Israel to hear the message of the resurrection and the gospel of eternal life. He would defer the judgment against the nation until AD 70, when the temple and much of Jerusalem was destroyed. Today, he loves us so much that he continues to defer judgment and instead invites each of us to turn from our ways towards his son (repentance). In this deferral, God gives us the recipe for spiritual life, healthy growth, and life with God.

Three Ingredients of Healthy Growth

Time: The caretaker gives the tree one more year, allowing more time for the tree to produce fruit. In this context, the Palestinian fig tree might have three or four times to produce fruit in a given year, so this is more than "one last chance". Growth comes over time. God is so patient with us. The Bible is full of examples of God withholding his judgment. We need to extend the same patience to our kids and to one another!

Truth: The next thing the caretaker does is to dig around the tree. He is establishing the condition of the tree roots. Is there rot? Is there disease? Are there enough nutrients? We need to have truth in order to diagnose and develop plans for our children. The truth comes in a number of ways. First, the truth of God's word applied to different situations. It also includes effective listening and understanding and the removal of fear and judgment so that we can work from a place of reality. It involves building transparent communication.

Grace: The third step for the caretaker is to fertilize the soil. The fertilizer in this case is dung. It is a nutrient that comes from outside the fig tree. It is an unmerited resource in that the tree has already used up soil nutrients and has not produced fruit. The caretaker decides to give this added nutrition so that the fruit tree might finally become productive. We need grace (God's unmerited favor) to grow and produce good fruit in our lives! God's grace is what brings us into relationship with him and keeps us there.

Parenting with Time, Truth and Grace Through the Stages of Growth:

>In helping our children develop the character qualities of Jesus, we pass through certain predictable stages which Jesus practiced in developing his disciples. In each stage, we need time, truth and grace.

1. Bonding: Learning to say "yes" to love. Experiencing unconditional love in personal touch, affection, and emotional intimacy. Being able to open up to others, connect at the heart and build deep relationships that last. Jesus first loved and spent time with his disciples - and in John 13 they saw the full extent of his love as he washed their feet from the posture of a servant. He was always there for them. This step of bonding allows us to attach to others and is the basis for our lives to have meaning. Jesus seeks this closeness with us in John 15 when he asks us to abide with him. In our parenting we need time for connection.

2. Boundaries: Learning to say "no" to the bad things in life, and to delay gratification of our appetites. In this step, Jesus taught the disciples what they were not to be like. For example, "do not Lord it over others" in your leadership style, instead serve others. Likewise, with kids, we need to teach them that there are limits in life, like hot stoves, bedtimes, and a time for diapers to end. Limits like time help us to choose the most important things in life. This produces choices and direction in our lives, like vocation or passion, which gives our lives purpose. Jesus set great boundaries and purpose in the Sermon on the Mount.

3. Acceptance: This is a crucial step of growth - when we accept the fact that we and others are all made up of good and bad. No one is all good and no one is all bad. It is part of the human condition that we sin and fail, and this goes for Christians and non-Christians. In this step, we learn to accept one another. Kids realize their parents are not perfect, nor are any of their friends. It is interesting that kids often do not accept one another's differences until the late stages of high school or college. This acceptance of imperfection allows satisfaction in the "less than perfect" and also the surrender to a God who is perfect. Peter's denial of Jesus and his restoration in John 21 give us the picture of God's acceptance of us in Christ.

4. Authority: In this final step, we leave the 1-down position of a child with parents and become adults who can effectively (not perfectly!) navigate real life as children of God responsible to Him. The saying that God has no grand-children is true in this sense. We are able to interact with other adults as peers and enter into relationships and activities with confidence and competence. God's economy is that we would use our gifts and do whatever we do with his blessing and guidance, and play our part in life by doing what we do with growing maturity and authority in our particular domains. This is seen in passages like Genesis 1:28, Matthew 28:19-20 and also in Ephesians 2:10 - along with many other passages. Living this out is what brings fulfillment to our lives. (not to mention our L1233 accounts!)

Each of these growth stages requires grace, truth and time. These stages overlap. Sometimes we discover a deficit from our childhood, or a deficit with one of our children. It is part of life and the parenting process, as we experience our own maturity, our kids' and also our grandkids'. In each case, we can seek wisdom from God's Word, God's Spirit, and God's People - the resources of the Kingdom.

Questions for discussion and application:

1. Did you experience a childhood where time, truth, and grace were present? What was missing or in short supply? How does that affect your life today?

2. Do you feel that you bonded effectively with your parents? What patterns do you see in your relationships currently? Are you feeling well-connected to your children and friends?

3. Do you observe healthy boundaries with others? Are there areas in your life where you need to learn to say "no"? Perhaps you might share an example with your group. How about your kids? Do the people you date or do your friends accept your "no"?

4. Do you feel accepted by your family and friends? Do your children feel accepted by you? What areas of your life do you need to seek and grant forgiveness and acceptance?

5. Are you experiencing fulfillment in your life's work? Do you experience the "one down" position, or feelings of inferiority or inadequacy? What might be the cause? What could be a good action step for you?

Acknowledgement and Resources

I am indebted to my friends Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend for their insights on this passage, on biblical growth, and on parenting and life! Their books, "Changes That Heal" (Henry only), "Boundaries", "Raising Great Kids" and "How People Grow" have deepened my understanding of God's Word and it's application to relationships and spiritual growth. They are men who live what they write and teach.
 
They also have a web site with 2-4 minute video "messages" on topics and in response to particular questions. Visist their parenting "Q&A" library.